...what? That's one of the worst threats ever. Is that seriously going to be her punishment? Unemployment at old age without social security or a 401k? I mean yeah that sucks, but it doesn't really seem befitting of an evil space overlord.
Meanwhile on Earth, Drew is holding a party at her pool house. I'd assume it's a pool party since some of the guests are in bathing suits, but this show is too cheap to afford an actual pool so for all we know she's actually planning to hold a swimwear modeling competition. Drew is having a blast watching Swinton and Gordon flirting with a new foreign exchange student, Ilsa, who is definitely not a space alien in disguise. Even though Swinton's making quantum physics jokes and Gordon's talking about credit cards, Ilsa seems oddly receptive. Hmmmm... COULD IT BE!?!?
Also, Ilsa is speaking in one of the worst fake "vaguely European" accents that I've ever heard.
What a beautiful day for a good ol' American soundstage party!
That evening at the coffee house, our four heroes are inexplicably hanging out together in public again. Gordon and Swinton are sure they've scored big time with Ilsa, but the girls are trying to convince them otherwise, pointing out she was flirting with everyone. Laurie says that she knows her type, and that after wooing the boys, "she'll turn all cold - practically Arctic!" Whoever wrote that probably thought it was really clever foreshadowing. Let that sink in for a moment.
Suddenly, Gordon's tattoo flashes - and only Gordon's. He doesn't want to go - because he was planning on going out with Ilsa, natch - but the others convince him it's probably important and he relents, leaving through a portal that opens in the back room. At Nimbar's lair, the intergalactic booger informs Gordon he's picked up a strange reading from the desert, one "similar" to Ninjabot but "strangely different." Then, for no apparent reason, Nimbar burps. Gordon asks if he has any antacid. Nimbar ignores him and tells him to transform into a Sentinel and check out the desert.
Uh... comedy?
In a bit that actually did make me chuckle, Gordon asks why only he's being sent, and Nimbar says it's because in case of a trap "it's easier to replace one Sentinel than four." I mostly appreciate the fact that not even the aloof glob of space snot can stand this guy. Somewhere deep down in his mucus, he's clearly hoping Gordon won't come back.
Gordon portals into the desert, and - without even looking around - immediately declares nothing is there. Of course, Ninjabot then materializes right next to him. Gordon blasts him with his weapon a few times and the evildoer vanishes again, prompting Gordon to declare he's "outta here" and teleport back to base. Grade A commitment there, pal.
It's a good thing he's a robot, or else he'd get pretty sweaty wearing this getup in the desert.
Upon his return, Nimbar informs Gordon that he didn't actually destroy Ninjabot. But not because he was a lazy, non-committal jackass. Well okay, not ONLY because of that. As it turns out, there was no Ninjabot! In fact, it was a "Gaborian Wavefront Reconstruction," his space-jargon for a hologram. Albeit a hologram that could've killed him, because apparently this kind is solid? I don't even know you guys. At this point I'm just hoping Jem shows up to save this show in the most unexpected crossover event of the 20th century.
Anyway, Nimbar says they need to figure out what the purpose of the hologram is, and as such, he summons the others. But as they head to the base, Ilsa sees them entering the portal! Finally someone on this show doesn't fail a spot check!
Upon arriving in Nimbar's lair, the teens immediately see an image of Ilsa watching their exit on the holo-monitor, and Drew instantly comes to the conclusion she's a spy. That seems like a pretty big leap to make from the amount of information she has. Would she assume that of anyone who sees three teenagers disappear into a glowing white dimensional rift that opens up in a coffee house? Because despite what the show would've had us believe up until this point, that kind of thing seems pretty hard to miss.
Still, Nimbar confirms she's an agent of Emperor Gorganus. Swinton claims it can't be true because she's too pretty, and Gordon accepts the truth but still wants to date her. Then Laurie asks how she found them, which is exactly the question I have. Apparently, the Ninjabot hologram was made to force the Sentinels into action so they could be seen using a portal. Nimbar explains it "will have taken a massive effort by Gorganus to watch all the portals on the Earth nexus - but the Emperor is diabolically patient." Laurie chimes in that Ilsa had been transferring to and from a lot of different schools in the area and eventually found the right one.
...where to even start. Are we supposed to believe Ilsa was the only spy? No evidence or mention of others is given. Why was she disguised as a teenager? Did Gorganus know the Sentinels were high schoolers for some reason? And how did she know to follow them to the coffee house after the party instead of following any of the other kids who were there? Anyway, Ilsa tries to contact Gorganus on her earring-communicator, but Nimbar blocks the signal.
That's what you get for using T-Mobile.
Ilsa makes a beeline for the portal but Nimbar puts a forcefield around it. He warns, however, that he can't hold it forever. The teens will have to use a mind-erasing device on her before she can report back to Gorganus. They head back to the coffee house and proceed to confront her. In the middle of said public establishment. The guys still have the hots for her and get distracted, and the conversation between the heroes and the spy goes on for far too long. Laurie reaches out to Ilsa with the mind-eraser, but just then, she disappears in a flash of white light! Apparently none of the customers see or hear any of this.
Nimbar re-summons the teens, explaining he was barely able to stop Ilsa from portaling into his lair. He further explains via a bunch of nonsensical technobabble that he managed to send her to the desert instead, and that this is their last chance to stop her before she returns to Gorganus with the information on their identities. Nimbar informs them she has transformed back into her true form. Swinton guesses, based on the fact that the temperature in the desert just dropped by 75 degrees Celsius, that she's Isolus the ice creature. First, how does he know what the temperature in the desert is? Second, the hottest temperature ever recorded in Death Valley was less than 57 degrees Celsius. Dropping 75 degrees from there would bring the temperature down to below zero even in Fahrenheit, yet when the Sentinels arrive in their skimpy spandex outfits, they don't react to the temperature at all.
Anyway, a fight ensues, and it's typically terrible. Isolus fires freeze rays from her sword, yet when one hits Drew she simply falls over and suffers no apparent ill effects. But then when one hits Gordon he's frozen in place (by which I mean they freeze-frame him and tint it blue). Nimbar tells them that if they need to leave Gordon to preserve their own lives, they must have the wisdom to do so. That's the second joke about Gordon dying today and I am totally okay with that.
The new Blue Man Group act really sucks.
Unfortunately, Swinton blasts Gordon with his weapon, somehow unfreezing him without any damage. Now reunited, the team forms Knightron, which causes Gorganus to freak out as he watches the battle from Moleculon. Desperate for the spy's information, he scrambles to open a portal by tinkering around with a device on his wrist. No portal materializes, presumably because Nimbar is blocking it, though that's not made explicit. Knightron reflects Isolus' freeze ray back at her, and she's frozen solid. Then Knightron lightly taps her forehead and she... disappears with some sparkly effects. I honestly can't even tell if they were trying to simulate shattering ice or not.
Back in the base, Laurie, Swinton, and Drew materialize, but Gordon does not. Nimbar fears he may have actually been teleported to Gorganus! Oh no! Aaaaaaand seconds later Gordon shows up. He thinks for a second he may have been sent to Moleculon after all. Aaaaaaaand then he immediately changes the subject and asks how Swinton knew he could unfreeze him. Turns out he couldn't be sure and he might have actually blown up. Hah! Gordon's life doesn't matter to anybody! Marvelous!
Up on Moleculon, Gorganus is holding an ice cube vaguely shaped like Isolus' head. He says he must find a way to reconstruct her somehow eventually. When Lechner asks what he's going to do with her remains for now he... drops the ice into a carbonated drink he's holding. Complete with one of those little umbrellas.
Mmmm, corpse-flavored.
Back in the coffee house, Swinton and Gordon are still swooning over Ilsa. Gordon, in fact, insists the girls are jealous because Ilsa really liked him. Right before trying to kill him. He then goes even further by insisting Drew and Laurie are crushing on Swinton and him, respectively. The episode ends when the new foreign exchange student from France walks in, leading Gordon and Swinton to rush to her side as the girls ponder whether she is also secretly an evil alien.
_____________
Ohhhhh boy. This is one of the show's worst episodes so far, which is definitely saying something. I appreciate the running joke about Gordon's horrific but inconsequential death, and at least Dwayne wasn't in it. But the plot about Gorganus' attempt to discover the identities of the Sentinels was horribly mishandled, with a "spy" who did no actual spying but just happened to be in the right place at the right time and was equipped with powers of noticing the obvious (unlike everyone else in the coffee house). The action wasn't appreciably worse than usual for this series, but the fights are never the highlight of these episodes anyway.
About the Ninjabot hologram: If Gorganus can create holograms that can actually hurt or even kill the Sentinels, why does he bother using the actual mercenaries at all? It seems like a waste of manpower. At the very least the hologram could've stuck around to assist Isolus in battle. In fact, this episode has a "today on..." segment preceding the episode - the first time there's been one on this DVD set - and said segment explicitly says Isolus is going to team up with the Ninjabot. I suppose you could say that's true-ish in a certain sense... Isolus teamed up with a fake Ninjabot to try and discover the Sentinels' identities - but it feels like a cheat anyhow. I'd say the kids watching this back in 1994 were probably disappointed, but let's be honest. If they were watching this instead of Power Rangers or VR Troopers or Superhuman Samurai Syber-Squad, they'd probably already lowered their standards too much to care.
Also since I didn't fit it into the main recap, here's a shot of Isolus in all her, uh, glory:
You're... welcome?
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